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WOLF: Trying to avoid the iconic McRib this time around

COLUMN: Sandwich makes return to Canada for first time in 10 years
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The McRib sandwich. (McDonald鈥檚 via AP)

The pings kept coming and I was a little concerned.

I was at a recent medical appointment, on the special chair in a, shall we say, vulnerable position.

From the pocket of my jacket came the repeated pings.

鈥淒o you want to check that?鈥 I was asked, politely.

鈥淣o, it鈥檚 all good,鈥 I said with a bit of false bravado.

A few minutes later, I was headed back to my car, when I see the little red 鈥6鈥 beside the texts icon on my phone.

Now, six new text messages might not be a lot for you young folks out there, but for an old guy, that鈥檚 blowing up.

At first I worried something horrid had happened, since there are very few reasons I鈥檇 get that many texts in a very small time period.

Generally, it would be my clownish pals reminding me of a particularly vexing loss by one of my favoured pro sports teams.

And, I reasoned, if it was anything really bad, the phone would have rang.

So, what could it be that was so pressing?

Turns out it was indeed huge news.

The McRib is coming back.

I鈥檒l give you all a minute to contain your joy.

That鈥檚 right, after being deprived of its glory for a full decade, the McRib is coming back to Canada (for a limited time at participating restaurants, beginning Jan. 30).

If you鈥檙e wondering what the McRib is, allow my forever 12-year-old palate to fill you in.

Directly from McDonald鈥檚: 鈥淭he McRib starts with a tender and juicy boneless pork patty dipped in tangy BBQ sauce, topped with slivered onions and tasty pickles, all served on a toasted homestyle bun. It鈥檚 no surprise this sandwich is an icon, with its uniquely delicious balance of sweet, tangy and savoury flavours.鈥

Sold yet?

A little back story. My 鈥榣ove鈥 for the McRib is a bit of an inside joke among family and friends. I routinely hype up its gloriousness and they mock me for my lack of culinary sophistication.

Thus, the texts.

鈥淒id you see the McRib is coming back?鈥

鈥淭he McRib is coming back. Gross.鈥

And a few more. Noting how happy I must be and reminding me how they鈥檇 never try one.

Their loss.

Truth be told, it鈥檚 more about the humour of it all (routinely reminding everyone of the McRib鈥檚 greatness) than it is the actual product itself.

I can actually get along just fine without any McRibs, thanks. But, like many 12-year-olds with unrefined palates, I鈥檓 a sucker for marketing.

My other specific weakness in this area is sugary breakfast cereals. If there鈥檚 something new in the grocery aisle (like any version of 鈥楾oast Crunch鈥), I pretty much have to have it.

Of course, I鈥檒l eat a quarter of a bowl and then it sits hidden on the Lazy Susan until it鈥檚 expired, but that鈥檚 not the point. I鈥檓 weak and I can鈥檛 resist.

That鈥檚 how it is with the McRib. They know absence makes the heart grow fonder, so they withhold it from us. They claim it鈥檚 some sort of supply issue with the formed frozen pork patties but I say nay, you鈥檙e just toying with us.

鈥淚n the last year alone, our team received thousands of inquiries on social media from very passionate Canadian McRib fans asking to bring it back here,鈥 said Alyssa Buetikofer, vice president and chief marketing officer at McDonald鈥檚 Canada. 鈥淭he McRib is truly a fan favourite. It appeals to guests of all ages鈥攆rom loyal followers who have patiently waited a decade for its return, to our newer fans who have only heard the legend.鈥

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Now, there鈥檚 only one problem this time around.

As I continue recovery from surgery following a series of unfortunate events that would make Lemony Snicket blush, I really shouldn鈥檛 be eating a McRib.

I鈥檝e done a reasonable job of altering my diet accordingly the last few months.

As I write this, I am munching on the delight that is a small veggie tray. Mmm, soggy celery.

But this represents the biggest test along my newfound nutritional path.

Last time the McRib rolled around, my then-teenaged son and myself (important to pass along the legacy, right McDonald鈥檚?) made way too many trips to the drive-thru.

This time, I鈥檒l be taking his 12-year-old little brother (we鈥檙e palate equals!), since he鈥檚 only ever heard the legend.

I鈥檝e resolved to only eat only a couple of bites of one, once. After that, it will be full avoidance.

It will be a remarkable test of my newfound willpower (it鈥檚 OK if you鈥檝e been silently judging me all the way through this), especially given that now I could have 39 of them delivered right to my door if I wanted.

And after those couple of bites, and the passing along of the legacy, I鈥檒l continue my routine, with the sole goal of ensuring I鈥檓 in peak health the next time the McRib makes its grand re-return.

I鈥檒l be ready, Ronald.

/ editor can be reached at 250-905-0029 or via email at philip.wolf@blackpress.ca.



Philip Wolf

About the Author: Philip Wolf

I鈥檝e been involved with journalism on Vancouver Island for more than 30 years, beginning as a teenage holiday fill-in at the old Cowichan News Leader.
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