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PAINFUL TRUTH: Attack of the zombie time travellers!

This column is about mortgages, housing prices, and inflation
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Halloween enthusiasts, zombies and ghouls dance along to Michael Jackson鈥檚 Thriller at Stuart Park in Kelowna for the international dance event Thrill the World in 2019. (Black Press Media files)

To understand how our economy works, I鈥檝e had to resort to some science fictional conceits, namely, zombies and time travel.

First, let鈥檚 consider that mortgages are a form of time travel.

It鈥檚 not the fun kind where you hop into a flying Delorean and zip back and forth, maybe visiting the Old West. It鈥檚 a bit more ordinary than that.

Let鈥檚 say you got a mortgage in 2004, 20 years ago, and you鈥檙e still living in that home today.

You鈥檙e a financial time traveller.

If you鈥檙e an ordinary, cautious sort of borrower, you put down 10 or 20 per cent of the purchase price, and you got a fixed-rate 25-year mortgage with five-year terms, and you鈥檝e paid off four of those terms.

So you live in two timelines at once. Your present self is hopefully collecting wages at 2024 rates. Your past self is paying for a home at 2004 prices, give or take a few pesky ups and downs in interest rates.

This is why no one over 55 really understands the scale of the housing crisis, or gets the existential terror their children or grandchildren feel about it. They can鈥檛. They have one foot in the past, where they reaped the benefits of cheap housing, and one in the present, where they get all the benefits of inflated real estate values. They are unwitting time travellers.

Some of those time travellers are also zombies, and that鈥檚 an increasing problem for businesses, employees, and eventually, everyone.

A time travelling zombie is someone who got a decent job and bought a home. And then they stuck with that decent job. Maybe they got raises over the years for seniority, maybe they got promoted a few times, but they鈥檙e basically doing the same thing they did 15, 20, or even 30 years ago.

Even if their pay has only gone up at the rate of inflation, though, they鈥檙e fine! Plenty of cash to pay that mortgage, after all.

READ ALSO: PAINFUL TRUTH: What鈥檚 the purpose of prison?

But now, they鈥檙e getting ready to retire.

Who will replace them?

Have you ever idly perused job listings and wondered how anyone can live on the wages some employers are offering, given the cost of housing?

People can鈥檛 live on those wages, actually. They鈥檇 wind up paying 70 per cent of their income for housing, or they鈥檇 have to find seven roommates.

So companies have trouble finding workers, because the bosses (who bought their houses in 1995 or 2007 and are also time travellers) don鈥檛 understand why they can鈥檛 keep paying zombie wages.

We have talked a lot about the crisis that will come when every last Boomer hits their twilight years, and we need a lot more doctors and seniors care in this country. That day is almost here.

But we haven鈥檛 talked about the crisis when every last Boomer and older Gen Xer retires, and no one is willing to do their jobs for $40,000 or $50,000 a year, because that might as well be Monopoly money when houses cost $1.5 to $2 million.

Someone has to figure out who鈥檚 going to do the work all these time travelling zombies are retiring from, before it鈥檚 too late.



Matthew Claxton

About the Author: Matthew Claxton

Raised in 91原创, as a journalist today I focus on local politics, crime and homelessness.
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