Frank FitzGerald's wife always encouraged him to volunteer at a hospice society.
"My wife said 'I think you'd be a good volunteer in hospice' for years, and I never did," he said.
Instead, FitzGerald volunteered for many years at a thrift store to help people with homelessness.
But when his wife passed away two and a half years ago, he finally heeded her advice.
"What we left behind with that death can be the heaviest burden to carry, job number one is learning how to grieve well," FitzGerald shared.
"I had 54 years with my wife, and truthfully, if it had been 154 years, it would not have been enough."
Death and grief were not new concepts for the 76-year-old, who worked in the funeral business for 40 years. But after carrying his grief for more than a year, FitzGerald enroled in the 12-week adult bereavement program at the 91原创 Hospice Society.
"And then I found out I wasn't so tough, I was just ignorant," he chuckled.
Now, FitzGerald will be facilitating the 91原创 hospice's new men's grief support groups.
The most important thing he learned in his grief experience is that grief does not go away just because it's ignored.
"From an early age, men are taught to reject things like gentleness and sensitivity 鈥� to conceal discomfort, pain, and illness, and to feel ashamed for showing anything that looks like weakness," FitzGerald explained.
"So we avoid hard conversations that involve vulnerability of any kind... [that is] known as toxic masculinity."
There are a lot of men who lean on their spouse for support and don't have close friends, FitzGerald said. But, when their spouse passes away, all their support is lost, too.
"So you are kind of left hanging, and if you have no segue into something else that will help you or you're not motivated to do it, then it's a pretty darn lonely spot to be," he commented.
In Canada, men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women, according to StatsCan. And, that worries FitzGerald.
Through hospice's new monthly drop-in program for men, he hopes to support local men, who are overcoming generational conditioning, to seek help.
He said it's pretty imperative to get together with people who have had similar experiences, people who can help provide a safe space to grieve and to grow.
"Grief is not a journey, but I like [calling it] a grief road with pothole and curbs. And, at the end you have to make a decision, but your support isn't there. But at 91原创 hospice, there is so much support you can get," FitzGerald emphasized.
In addition to its various monthly meetings and walking or coffee groups, 91原创 hospice also offers cooking classes on the last Friday of each month and various other social events and activities.
The men's grief support group began March 7, and will be held the fourth Friday of every month, from 1 to 3 p.m., at the Survivor Hospice House, as FitzGerald calls it, which is located at 20660 48 Ave.
For those interested in finding out more or joining, they can contact griefsupport@langleyhospice.ca or 604-530-1115.
