鈥淭his message is from Canada Revenue Agency. The reason behind the call is to inform you there is a lawsuit which is getting registered under your name. So we want you to call us back on our department number which is 613-703-3595. I repeat it is 613-703-3595. Do call us back. Otherwise we need to issue an arrest warrant under your name. Thank you.鈥�

I found that on my answering machine the other day.

Okay. I鈥檓 lying. I didn鈥檛 鈥渇ind鈥� the message on my answering machine, I was standing there, listening to it as it was being recorded.

I don鈥檛 immediately pick up the phone for calls that come from numbers that I don鈥檛 recognize. I wait for the perpetrator to start leaving a message, and then decide whether I鈥檓 dealing with friend or foe.

If there鈥檚 no attempt to leave a message, it鈥檚 probably a robo-call, so I assume it鈥檚 a foe. And when someone is threatening to haul my butt into a courtroom, I gotta tell ya, I assume that鈥檚 a foe, too.

Yeah. I know. It鈥檚 called 鈥渕onitoring,鈥� and in the ancient times I originally came from, it鈥檚 considered impolite.

So sue me.

But you鈥檒l have to get in line, because that message sounded pretty serious.

What could I have done!

At first, I tried not to laugh.

I was supposed to believe that CRA was calling me 鈥� without identifying me specifically 鈥� to tell me I鈥檓 about to get arrested. Without telling me why. And without identifying the agent of doom who was sitting by the phone, waiting for me to give myself up.

Soon, the impulse for laughter gave way to thoughts of folks who still think it鈥檚 impolite to monitor calls 鈥� decent people who might still believe it鈥檚 rude to hang up on anyone 鈥� even a scam artist before he has finished his pitch 鈥� before there鈥檚 time to offer a polite, 鈥淕ood-bye, thanks for calling.鈥�

I thought of easily confused people who might be scared by that message on their answering machine 鈥� scared enough to make that call to 鈥渙ur department鈥�.

I thought of some seniors buried under the weight of a changing world, anxious people among us who live on the edge of reality, immigrants from places where this could be real.

If you got the message, don鈥檛 call. Just laugh.